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How to Stick It to Your Jerkface Neighbor

Illustration for article titled How to Stick It to Your Jerkface Neighbor

Photo: Brian A Jackson (Shutterstock)

Evil WeekEvil WeekWelcome to Evil Week, our annual dive into all the slightly sketchy hacks we’d usually refrain from recommending. Want to weasel your way into free drinks, play elaborate mind games, or, er, launder some money? We’ve got all the info you need to be successfully unsavory.

Ahhhh, finally. Evil Week 2020 is now upon us at Lifehacker; a week in which all the morally questionable hacks we’ve wanted to write about all year are, for one week, fair game. We need this. We deserve this.

I’m personally going to kick off this week with an idea from Jessica, a member of our Offspring Facebook group, who obviously understands the true essence of Evil Week:

Have a jerk neighbor you don’t like?

Take your kids for a little stroll! Pick some dandelion puffs while you’re out and about! Hang on to them until you get to jerk neighbor’s house, then it’s time to make some wishes! Blow all the little dandelion seeds at your jerk neighbor’s house and if you wished that all those seeds would land in his yard and sprout into giant weeds, it just might come true!

It’s a fun family activity! You’re taking a walk (that’s healthy). You’re spending quality time with your kids (so important). And you’re making wishes (optimism is key right now). They don’t know they’re doing something slightly evil to the guy with 28 political signs in his yard who keeps hosting what you can only imagine are super-spreader events. No, they’re just out enjoying nature.

Fun fact: Each flowerhead of a dandelion can produce hundreds of seeds that can be “spread by the wind or other physical disturbances”—which, in this particular case, is you.

You might have to play the long game on this one because while some dandelions bloom in the fall, most will arrive in May or June. But that jerk will still be there, and you can stick it to them then.

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